5 of College Basketball’s Best Freshmen as Child Stars

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Nov 14, 2013; Chestnut Hill, MA, USA; Boston College Eagles forward Ryan Anderson (12) and Toledo Rockets center Zach Garber (33) get tangled up during the first half at Silvio O. Conte Forum. Mandatory Credit: Mark L. Baer-USA TODAY Sports

College basketball is all kinds of swell. No, really. There is something about watching guys hurl a round object toward a circular (but hollow) object for the sake of winning games and earning a little tuition.

I also like bad analogies, similes or anything else where you can compare one thing to another. It’s a way for me to relate things because I need correlation (because I be a dumb dumb). Especially when those two worlds don’t mix — much in the same way we normally wouldn’t mix orange juice and chocolate milk.

Today is no different for me. Sitting at my house — watching DVRed college basketball — I wondered how I can explain the nation’s best freshmen to casual fans or my mother-in-law without them getting all angry or becoming indifferent about the subject. Then, because I am not that witty, it finally hit me. What if I explained to them who are some of the best freshmen in the country in terms of them being child stars?

Seriously, everyone is enamored with child stars. It’s why picture-box networks dedicate an entire hour to breakdown the downfall of once famous celebs. I mean, if you don’t know the entire history of Corey Haim, well, you’re probably less American than folks who won’t vote for a one-loss SEC team to play in the BCS Title Game — am I right or am I right, Auburn AD?

(Hint: The Auburn AD and I are wrong. Drinking imported beers when 50 cent domestic drafts are available makes you un-American)

Okay, okay. Enough of the gibber-jabber. You — for some unknown, likely ghastly reason — came here to see how some of the nation’s best college basketball freshmen are kinda/sorta/but not really at all, like child stars of our past and present.

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Topics: Andrew Wiggins, College Basketball, Duke Blue Devils, Jabari Parker, Julius Randle, NCAA, Satire

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