Never too early College Basketball Prep Guide

Start Stocking on Food and Fluids

Mandatory Credit: Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

I need you to take a slow walk around your kitchen and check the supplies. Is there enough food and beverages to last four plus months of college basketball in a row? Did you remember to pick up those adult diapers?

Seriously, these are the most important questions you will ever ask yourself.

Chances are you’ve been caught up in the world of other sports for the last few months. The odds of your kitchen being properly stocked is slim. But it’s okay, I’m here to help you know what exactly you need to get by.

Make sure whatever you do there’s enough beverages of choice in your fridge, but absolutely no booze. As my AA mentor tells me, “booze dilutes the experience”. And, really, do you want to miss out on the Kentucky Wildcats playing the Holy Redeemer University of Hamburgers early in the season?

Stock up on some Arizona Ice Tea or favorite brand of dark-colored soda. But please refrain from getting “energy” drinks. They have the same mind-changing effects alcohol has, but without any of the rewards.

However, if you did quit your job instead of killing Gram Gram, we at the (totally fictional, but should be true) Board of College Basketball grant you a pass to drink some adult beverages. But no driving and no drunk texting your girlfriend/boyfriend from the 10th grade asking if they want to hang out. They dumped you because you cared more about the Binghamton Bearcats than you did about their B+ in shop class. I highly doubt they want to watch college hoops with you and follow it up with a romp in a room of your choice.

As far as food goes, anything and everything is accepted. Chips, pretzels or any kind of snack food is key to surviving upset scares. For major eating times, such as lunch or dinner, just get delivery. All you have to be able to do is know how to move your finger seven different places and have the smallest ability to communicate with whichever restaurant you choose to order from.

Quick summary of this section in case you feel overwhelmed. No booze unless you quit your job to watch the season/games, no drunk texting (unless smoking hot hotty awaits), stock snacks and only order out for lunch/dinner.

Important note to food shopping: If you’re shopping this early, canned foods are the best route as they will still be tasty in the next few months.

I meant everything I just told you in this segment of the article. Well except the drunk texting, as I’ve been known to break that rule.