Never too early College Basketball Prep Guide
By Joe Nardone
Practice Dumping your Significant Other
If she’s your lady, DO NOT DUMP HER. Mandatory Credit: Geoff Burke-USA TODAY Sports
Remember I told you to spend some time with your significant other? Well, now practice getting rid of or distracting your significant other. I don’t care if you’re even stupid enough to love the person, they will need to go by the time the season actually starts. Trust me,especially if you heeded earlier advice of mine, they don’t love you enough to deal with you’re unemployed, drunk, erratic-rear anymore than you want them to ask you how they look in their new $175 pair of jeans (Fat, they look fat. They wouldn’t have asked if they didn’t already know).
You can trick them out of the house by treating them to a day at the spa or tickets to the movies. This all depends on what gender your significant other is, but I’ll leave that up to you. The price of a ticket to go see a crappy action movie or a day to get rubbed down by a strange man (Hey ,Leo) is surely worth whatever it costs to ensure your happiness at the homestead.
Listen, I’m not right about a lot of things. I don’t know which direction is north, how to properly groom my facial hair nor do I have an ability to heed my own advice. But I do know one thing better than anything else, how to make sure I’m happy. It’s this great feature some of us enjoy called “Being Selfish”. Sure, it’s considered a character flaw, but that’s only by people who are stupid enough to put other folks’ happiness in front of their own.
However, if you don’t think you can fend off your significant other via distractions or Boy Meets World marathons, there is a “Break Glass for Emergency” solution. You can dump them. If they really love you, which they don’t, they will be waiting for you when your team doesn’t make the NCAA Tournament.