Miami (FL)/Richmond: "That's why I'm a misfit toy. My name is all wrong. No child wants to play with a Charlie In The Box, so I had to come here" - Charlie, Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer
One of the most baffling plot holes in movie history is Charlie's presence on the Island Of Misfit Toys, as there seems to be nothing wrong with him save for a minor naming screwup. (Also, it's never explained why the doll is there. She cries, but the Head Elf explicitly notes earlier that they now make crying dolls.) Brandon Johnson (Miami) and DeLonnie Hunt (Richmond) are having excellent season on bad teams and I just wish we could see them as top level role players on NCAA Tournament rosters instead.
Seton Hall: "No money! No ticket!" - Ticket Guy, Frosty The Snowman
Seton Hall currently sits dead last in the Big East by a significant margin in all rankings, due in part to a very publicly noted lack of NIL money. It would have taken a magnificent offseason from Shaheen Holloway to rebuild from the losses of last year, and since that didn't happen, there will be no ticket punched to the Big Dance this March.
Notre Dame: "There's always tomorrow... for dreams to come true" - Clarice, Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer
Notre Dame's season has largely been stymied by a five game losing streak and the injury absence of star Markus Burton. But with Burton expected to return, there is still hope for the Fighting Irish to get hot late in a down ACC, and even they can't this season, a top ten national recruiting class awaits for next year.
Kentucky: "You'll shoot your eye out kid." - Santa, A Christmas Story
A year after leading the nation in three-point shooting at Dayton with a seemingly unsustainable 49.8%, Koby Brea made the leap up to Kentucky and has actually improved his numbers (50.7%). Throw in Lamont Butler at 43.3% and the Wildcats have a duo capable of making any defense look blind.
Wake Forest: "If you see gum on the street, just leave it there. It's not free candy" -Santa, Elf
For many prognosticators (including yours truly), picking Wake Forest to be an ACC contender was so tantalizing that we ignored the obvious warning signs. Losing their second-best player, Boopie Miller, to the transfer portal didn't help Hunter Sallis improve; it helped Miller improve. And replacing him with someone from a moribund Louisville program (Ty'Laur Johnson) did nothing to help. Plus, the team has minimal depth.
UMass: "Oh my gosh, does that suck." - Frank Cross, Scrooged
A UMass fan has probably tweeted this verbatim by now. They were already annoyed by the awful decision to move to the MAC and the continued failures of the football program. Now the basketball team sits second to last in the A-10 in Kenpom in a rebuild year. Outside of the hockey coaches and the excellent broadcasters across sports, the fans might be satisfied if the entire rest of the athletic department heard another Cross quote, "Claire, fire these people."
Louisville: "Merry Christmas! Sh**ter was full" - Cousin Eddie, Christmas Vacation
No other three words could have so artfully described the state of Louisville basketball at the end of last season. But now, Pat Kelsey has replaced Kenny Payne, and looks to be headed for a whole winter on the bubble, despite multiple crushing injuries. They finally dumped out all the crap into the sewer and the uppity neighbors (Duke/UNC? Kentucky?) would be wise to take notice.