I cheated on the next two and used TV quotes instead.
Creighton: "Oh, Santa's coming tonight, tonight. Santa's coming tonight." - People of Bikini Bottom, Spongebob Squarepants S2E8
After Sandy tells him about Christmas in a far away land and Santa's role in it, Spongebob rallies the town to prepare for his arrival and stay up all night singing while they wait. He never shows and of course he didn't, since he'd never been underwater before, but at the very end he arrives to thank Squidward for taking his place (since it's a cartoon so anything can happen). Creighton added a twenty-one year old freshman from Montenegro named Fedor Zugic over the summer who was immediately declared ineligible and of course, he was, considering he'd played multiple years as a professional in Germany. But last weekend, Zugic was declared eligible, because at this point, the NCAA is as logical as a children's cartoon.
Rhode Island: "If we don't stop wasting our time, we're all going to miss out on the most magical time of the year." - Mr. Hankey, South Park S22E3
Rhode Island has put together an impressive 11-1 season so far, but the Rams only Q1 or Q2 win is beating Providence at home. You can only beat who is on your schedule, but at some point they will need to pick up some impressive resume victories (at Loyola?, home for Dayton, VCU or St. Bonaventure?) or else they will be sitting on the couch to watch the magic of March.
West Georgia: "Welcome to the party, pal." - John McClain, Die Hard
The newest member of Division 1 got their first win over Tennessee Tech in early December to break a ten game losing streak. Sure, it's low hanging fruit to use such a signature quote and many readers will be enraged that I even listed Die Hard as a Christmas movie. But in 2024, writers need to be marketers too, and if any of you are angry enough to start a fight in the Twitter comments about how it's not, then that will help draw more eyeballs to this piece.
Green Bay: "The thing is not happening at all." *winks* - Clay, Office Christmas Party
There is an early scene dedicated to the CEO trying to cancel the Christmas party, which as the title indicates (sorry for spoilers), does not succeed, thanks to a deceitful plan that Clay completely telegraphs. New Green Bay coach Doug Gottlieb showed us all a "joke" work schedule for the month of December, a month where the Phoenix have gone 0-6 following a spat between Gottlieb and their best player. It's becoming pretty clear that he took this job to help promote the radio show that he is still doing full time, and the school made the hire for the publicity. We are all talking about it, so I guess they succeeded.
It’s the most wonderful time…. pic.twitter.com/gatlflz5lv
— Doug Gottlieb (@GottliebShow) December 3, 2024
Davidson: "Dad!! Hi! It's me!" - Buddy The Elf, Elf
Will Ferrell waking up holding the doll and then slapping the window to get James Caan's attention is a historic moment in American cinema. Davidson had a historically consistent offense under Bob McKillop, and in year three under Matt McKillop, the Wildcats are getting back to the same pillars, with top one hundred ratings in assist percentage, three-point shooting and turnover percentage. There is still another step before becoming elite again, but McKillop is back on the tried and true path.
Duke: "They all love that big tree, right, they're all proud of that one. They all hate the crap out of the little one next to it." - Clyde, Fred Claus
There is a siazble tax to pay when replacing a legend. Jon Scheyer has performed quite well for a young coach in a vacuum, with this being his third straight top twenty season and making an Elite Eight appearance last year. But he gets all of the great advantages of coaching at Duke, so Scheyer will always face heavy criticism, given that it will be impossible for him to be as good as Coach K. Already, the only way to start getting people off his back will be going to the Final Four.
Saint Louis: "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. When I wake up, I'm getting a CAT scan." - Scott Calvin, The Santa Clause
There is still something that doesn't make sense with SLU's performance this season. They were labeled a pre-season A-10 contender on the strength of their three star players (who have all been excellent) and their fit in Josh Schertz' offense. The role players have woefully underperformed as a group, and the Billikens often have an aversion to executing the little things, but yet I still feel like I'm going crazy seeing this team outside of the top 150 in basically all rankings.